Mission statement

Living in a single sex boarding house from a young age taught me a few things; men bond through brutal insults and comebacks, fighting helps almost all issues, and using any opportunity to prove yourself better than your peers intellectually, physically or by getting more attention from women was normal.

Most of my teenage life was spent complying with this form of masculinity characterised by invulnerability and dominance. However, the older I became, the more I noticed that my most meaningful moments were the opposite; in year 10 when I broke down after being told I was a “true friend” for the first time, and later, when curbed the effects of anxiety by learning the value of surrounding myself by people who based their friendships on kindness and loyalty, rather than being aside the people who drank the most beers and had the most sex.

I attribute these moments, and many more, as the experiences which helped to open my eyes to the idea of a healthier, less harmful mode of masculinity, one that I now try to base my thoughts, values and behaviours on.

In the face of this, however, I still struggle with shame surrounding how I treated those around me and how I treated myself during these years. Concerningly, this feeling is shared by a huge percentage of men, many of whom have a healthier idea of masculinity, but share similar feelings of guilt surrounding the damage that their actions may have caused to the people around them, and to their own reputation, education, and career.

As time goes by the typical response to this is for men to distance themselves from who they once were, blaming ignorance and the effects of a herd mentality for their poor treatment of their peers, whilst using their experiences and the fact they are ‘changed’ to move forward. Truthfully, this doesn’t change anything, and whilst it brings personal closure, it does not undo the harm which has affected both prior and current generations.

I’m concerned with addressing the effects of toxic masculinity on men and women earlier and propose that we intervene and educate on how one can recognise and moderate the traits of harmful masculinity, whilst providing examples of what productive, healthy male role models look like.

According to Raewyn Connell the four most harmful characteristics of hegemonic (toxic) masculinity are:

• Emotional suppression

• Extreme competition

• Subordination of others

• Sexual objectification

I acknowledge that these traits are engrained in every man to varying extents and will never be completely eradicated. However, I wish to spread the message that the expression of these specific traits can be highly harmful. I believe that educating youthful men that toxic masculinity is a product of these specific attributes, whilst providing examples of how we can call out and lessen the effects of these specific traits can help in decreasing the effects of huge societal issues such as sexual assault (directly attributed to sexual objectification), mental health issues and lack of connection (emotional suppression), violence, and power struggles (extreme competition).